Theme Thursday: Panic

Life is hilarious.

 I have been in panic mode for weeks.

Weeks people.

I have crazy OCD-for-me nesting urges and anxiety. I have:

• Mowed the lawn (I don't do yard work. This is weird.) 
• Obsessed over when Husband would use the weed whacker
• Contemplated learning how to use the weed whacker because it wasn't happening fast enough
• Weeded the flower beds. All of them. Because they bothered me. 
• Stressed over the kitchen, which is also unusual. 
• Made a meal plan. Not a really great one, but a list of what we were/are going to eat. For 3 meals a day. Then made a shopping list to go with the meal plan. And actually followed the shopping list.  
• Started cleaning out the baby room. So, you know we can turn it into the baby room. 

And during all this cleaning and such I have been internally and externally panicking over whether or not the 2 year old was: 

• Learning enough
• Being engaged enough
• Eating enough vegetables
• Eating enough protein
• Getting too much screen time

And panicking about 

• Everything else you could imagine. Really. 

And I did this all week long. For weeks. Calming down only on Saturdays. And sometimes not even. 

Then yesterday Cari wrote about being panicked. And I was like "AH! A theme I've got in spades." Thursdays have been notoriously bad for me. Like in tears nearly all day. Barely holding it together when I talk to my family on Skype. The day I give up and just can't do it anymore. 

And by the Grace of God when Cari essentially gave me permission to panic and freak... I sat down to write this morning and I just had nothing. No panic in my heart. No stress. No freak out. No tears. And I can only attribute that to Cari. She somehow took the burden off of me. I don't know how but today has been a normal, productive not in the slightest upsetting day. 

I have accomplished plenty on the OCD list, but in a way that brought me peace. Not panic to DO.MORE.THINGS! 

Which is good. A very good thing. This boy deserves a calm mom. 

So does she. 

So Thanks Be to God (and Cari) because today has been one day with no panic. And even if all the stress and panic comes back tomorrow... I will be refreshed from my day off.