Kindergarten Debate

This is a hard post to write. Kindergarten round up is two weeks from now. And I am so conflicted.
In times gone by this was a no-brainer. Will your kid be 5 by September? Sign 'em on up. But the times they are a changing. And that frustrates me to no end.

It frustrates me that society expects so much out of five-year-olds. Kindergarten is not just learning through play anymore. It's all day and filled with high expectations and standardized tests. I want my kids to LOVE learning. Ask my friends, a year ago, I said that I didn't want him to go to kindergarten at five because I wanted him to have an extra year as a little boy. I want him to have another year to play.

Our wonderful Catholic school (yay Catholic schools week) HAS a program for this. There is a half-day Transitional Kindergarten. It is more academically focused than preschool, and meets longer and more consistently (every day) but still focuses on social skills and play. And it is a great program. We are so lucky because not all places offer such a solution.

We have an born-at-the-end-of-May boy. Who, is doing a bang up job at preschool, he really is. We have seen such growth and academically he is right on track. Saturday he did his letter book homework completely by himself. He got his pictures of things that start with "O," his scissors and glue stick without any assistance. He sat down, cut the pictures out and glued them to his book.

But he is significantly younger than most of his class. (And the afternoon class too.) And that shows some times. Honestly, my guy has always been just a little more emotional than his peers. He is a very tenderhearted guy who has never had any problem empathizing. He just feels emotions on a deeper scale than most people. And I think another year to grow and control his emotions would be good for him. Though who knows if a year would even make a difference.

It frustrates me, that I have to decide in February what will be best for my boy at the end of August. Because six months is a lot of time to pass and I just don't know anymore.

Most people I talk to say, wait. That an extra year is the best gift I can give him. That I will love having some more time with him. That he is young and we expect too much out of kindergartners anyway. That they wish kindergarten would go back to being like how it was when we were young. There is NO harm in waiting a year before kindergarten but if you start them too soon people grow to regret that. Having to repeat kindergarten can be traumatic and teachers will absolutely do that if they think they won't be successful.

The Internet of course says that "redshirting" is the worst possible thing I could be doing to my child. He will be bitter about it. He will become dissatisfied with school and probably drop out. That by having my kid start kindergarten at age six I am further stunting the children who didn't go to preschool and widening the gap for the nation. It is because of the six-year-olds in kindergarten that it has become the new first grade.

How can you win? Some of us are just trying to do the best thing for their kid and how on earth are we supposed to figure that out. We have a conference with his teacher (every one does) to discuss the plan for next year and I feel like we will wind up erring on the side of "being a kid" and choose Transitional Kindergarten for next year. And logically it makes the most sense.

But emotionally, I am struggling. I am really having a hard time letting go of one thing. I have a group of friends where we all had babies around the same time. And all of those kids are going to kindergarten in August. Those who are both older and younger than my guy. Those who are both more and less prepared than my guy. It is hard. Even though I know that waiting a year is probably best plan for my son, I feel left out. And it isn't about me!

My cousin is a kindergarten teacher and she gave me some things to think about and told me to "go with my gut." Which is great advice but right now my gut doesn't know what to do. I kid you not, daily I see something that makes me think "He's ready for Kindergarten." And then the next day something will happen and I go "I think he could really use an extra year before standardized tests and being gone all day long."

It's so dumb. But I am really struggling with it. (Especially when I feel pretty sure I would send him to the public school next year but because of the high standards and ages of the kids at Catholic school I feel more inclined to wait.)

I have taken this to prayer, to adoration, asked others to pray for me. And I've got no clear answer at all. Which probably means there is no clear cut answer. It boils down to this:

1. We send him to Kindergarten in the Fall. He is successful. He graduates at 18 and life is good.
2. We send him to Kindergarten in the Fall. He runs into problems throughout his education and doesn't love school.
3. We delay Kindergarten until he is 6. He is successful. He graduates at 19 and life is good. 
4. We delay Kindergarten until he is 6. He is bored and resents being the oldest in his class and doesn't love school. 
5. We home school and I don't have to think about this at all ever again. (Except I know that my guy will not learn best from me and I just don't feel like this is a real choice.) 

So there is no right answer. It's a total crap shoot. Just like all parenting. Where ever we do end up though, no one will be able to say we made our decision on a whim. And with that uninspired conclusion, I will end this train of thought post.