How Did I Get Here?!

One of those days. Everything is great. It's beautiful and sunny. I'm talking 76 and sunny. Turn off the AC, open the windows and feel the breeze. The day was productive to say the least.

We woke up, had a delicious breakfast of oatmeal (me) and rice Chex and raisins. (C) We got dressed and proceeded to head outside. I tided the lawn of the moron squirrel's nest remnants of the night and C played with his trucks and car. After a while when that got old we moved on to playing World Cup with his goal and then destroying the ant hills because that's just the best thing ever.

When it the yard looked decidedly tidier than when we came out, we went in. We listened to music and played cars and while we were at it, did the dishes. That's basically water play. Which is fun and educational. After a reading break I started the dishwashers (because I am not foolish enough to do them ALL by hand) and made lunch. Colleen says I need more protein so I had scrambled eggs. C had a PB sandwich, more raisins (his request) milk and some animal crackers. Then the downstairs was cleaned, toys put away and carpet vacuumed.

I mean that's a pretty good day. Throw a load of laundry in during rest time, made dinner and promptly washed the dinner dishes. My house is clean and I engaged my child with both free play and activities that would encourage learning.

So let's blame it on the iPod shall we? During the cleaning I just hit shuffle. Which both is exciting and annoying because you know you'll get some random SFX clips and the whole of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is on there in many many many 3 minute "songs." So inevitably you will have to stop whatever you're doing to switch the iPod ahead. I am not Jennifer during Lent and I do not care if I am not in the mood to listen to accent monologues. (Monologues of people speaking in accents to learn how to form words properly.)

It all started with "You Took the Words Right Out Of My Mouth." Meatloaf at his finest my friends. And I reminisced about going to the Meatloaf concert with my friend Becky. It was at the casino so my mom took us. And as I sang along I thought about how many concerts I have really been to. A lot. And some good ones too. Prince. Neil Diamond. Enrique Inglesias and Pitbull. John Mellencamp. The Dixie Chicks. I used to go to a lot of concerts.

But then with my GA position in grad school I also worked a bunch of concerts. Some really really lame ones. But some were pretty great. David Cook (this was RIGHT after he won American Idol) Kevin Bacon and his brother have a band called... wait for it... the Bacon Brothers. BJ Thomas who was apparently kind of a big deal but my only knowledge was that he wrote/sang the Growing Pains theme song. He was nice enough to sing it for me live though and even dedicated it to me.

Michael, Me and Kevin Bacon

And I looked at all I had accomplished today and all that I had hoped to accomplish in my life and I went down the worm hole. The "How Did I Get Here" worm hole. It isn't about regret. I do not regret getting married though I never expected to live here again after undergrad. How could I possibly regret C or Baby #2? I can't explain how much I love them (already) and how could a life be regrettable?!

But I had hoped to get my PhD. I NEVER expected to be a stay at home mom and certainly not to enjoy it. There are rough days, don't get me wrong, but if you had told me that when my son turned one (the point we said we'd reevaluate the SAH situation) I would be a sobbing mess at the idea of leaving my baby with someone else I would have told you that you were a lunatic.

I still think I will go back to work at some point. Really. And I would LOVE to finish my degree path and hopefully I can make that happen. But it is still an introspective day to look back at your journey and really decipher what small decision led to a life you couldn't have imagined. My life is not perfect. Who's is?! But it's pretty good.

I'm cooking a baby who is most likely female. I have a really sweet little boy that I cannot stop squeezing. Even if I am sick of walrus videos on YouTube. I have a husband who comes home from working hard every day and loves me. (He even lets me sleep in on Saturday!) I have a house. Cars that work. Food on the table and that makes me pretty darn lucky.

I write all this not because I had ennui. Or because I am somehow disappointed in my life. I write to bring perspective to who I have become and who I am still yet to change into. Sometime down the road I will probably look back and see how this day (and other's like it) led me to where I'll be. That's kind of cool.