So you know that "curse" or Murphy's Law where you talk about something or blog about something and then it all goes to pieces? Like "Harper is sleeping through the night!" And then just after you say that all of a sudden Harper can't sleep more than 30 minutes in a row and even then only in a carrier while you sing 'The Noble Duke of York' in Spanish?
Well, my friends, that is how I feel about kindergarten. Because as it turns out C is not going to kindergarten next year.
And that is a hard thing for me to write because I want him to go to kindergarten. And, seriously, all of his friends and all of my friends who have kids both older and younger than him but in the same "school year" age are going to kindergarten and I am already feeling left behind. (And judged.)
But guess what it isn't about me! (And I am just going to have to deal with the judgement I guess.)
It's about C and doing what's best for him. And even though he is without a doubt in my mind 100% ready academically for kindergarten, I am all too aware that he is not ready for the pressure of kindergarten. It makes me mad that this is even a concern, but you know what? It is.
I am not sure why our society as a whole expects five-year-olds to worry about things like standardized tests but we do. And our school takes it to a different level. Which concerns me. C still gets really upset if he writes a letter incorrectly and he can't fix it. He is hyper-critical of his own mistakes. Even when they don't really matter. He is a perfectionist, a people pleaser and doesn't handle disappointment well.
He can read. He can write. He can do some basic math. The kid is smart. Definitely smarter than I was at five. But looking at the whole picture: the teachers next year, his classmates, his personality... we made the decision that kindergarten isn't the best fit. Husband is sure he spent less time deciding where to go to college than we did deciding on kindergarten. I don't know if that's true but we hashed it out for weeks. In the end, there was no right choice. Which is frustrating because I am a big believer in the pro/con list and they were of no help.
I think for most kids the choice is obvious, or there really isn't a choice made. They're ready or they're not. C falls solidly into the gray area. There really, truly wasn't a "right choice." So Transitional kindergarten here we come. It's 5 days a week but only in the afternoons, academic based and the teacher often sits in the pew behind us which I think is good. Ultimately erring on the side of time made the most sense to me. How will I ever regret an extra year of time with my guy?
He was pretty disappointed that he won't get to go to the "big school" next year but we have two months to make that palatable. (For me too.)
So there it is. A change of plans.
It's a sad thing that your plans were changed due to concerns about standardized testing (among other things). Taking testing so seriously at this age level is cruel. I 'm a mom who ruthlessly thrusts her kids into Pre-K/Kindergarden as soon as I can, mostly because it's cheaper than daycare,and because the kids have mostly loved going to school. The one of mine who did not have an easy transition is a curious mix of stubborn, anxious/sensitive, and it was difficult. I don't think for him waiting a year would have helped much - we're still dealing with the same issues (Less acutely and less often) 5 years later. For standardized testing we tell him to answer what he can, and if he gets too worried, just stop (or just randomly fill things in). I don't care what his tests scores are-I want him to be able to cooperate with the teacher. I know what my son can do academically, and the testing doesn't get us anything new.
ReplyDeleteI hope your son will thrive in in his class next year. Now that the choice has been made, you all can move forward toward that goal. Good luck!
And instead of casting this situation as "no right choice" think about it as two good choices ( because they are - there are pros to both classes). You went with the good choice that suits your son. And that's what good parents try to do!
DeleteThanks, that is a really good way to look at it.
DeleteOh M, I am so sorry!!! You know I was just marveling the other day when I read a recent post about C was reading and thinking - "wow, he is so far ahead of Elizabeth, he is definitely ready for kindergarten!". Elizabeth's preschool was a play-based preschool so there was no pressure to learn how to read like there is in other preschools in our town and I will be honest that yes, a part of me is a bit jealous of the other kids who learned how to read in preschool, but then I snap back out of it and remind myself of everything I have ever read about not pressuring kids to read, if they pick it up early like C (GREAT!) - and I know you didn't pressure him at all, but if they don't, no worries, they will get it. Anyway, my point being, I am sorry for all this, but you know C best and there are so many factors that go into deciding when to go to kindergarten and your school actually sounds like the public school in the town where Elizabeth is going to Catholic school. They are actually recommending not to send a kid unless they turn 5 in April or before. And they are super, super, super hung up on test scores and while this is great for their rankings, it has been pushed down to the lowest grades and things are starting to crack I think. Whereas the Catholic school kindergarten class Elizabeth is going to be in is more laid back, but they get the kids caught up to the public school by 6th grade (because our school only goes to 6th grade) and almost all of the kids continue one to that public school. Bummer for C and for you...but I know you will make the best of it. It still sucks though. :(
ReplyDeleteI should clarify it's not just about testing. It's his sensitive personality and how he handles emotional stress that concerns me the most. I really really wish we could go back to half-day play kindergarten! I don't care if he reads or does well on a standardized test, I just want him to be happy and love learning. My fear was kindergarten next year would just be too much for him and he would grow to resent school. Even at a public school, which we considered as well. :) The thing is, I feel left behind. But he doesn't really. He's sad about not going to the classroom he saw, but he will adapt and hopefully "bloom where's he planted."
DeleteAre you at all concerned he is going to be bored at school now that you are holding him back? He can read and write already, and he will be that much farther ahead a year from now. There can be negative consequences in that situation as well. Also, have you considered the fact that he may not be any more emotionally ready to go a year from now? Maybe that is just going to be his personality and an ongoing issue he (and you) will need to address. Is there an option for you to try it out and see how it goes? It just seems sad that he is academically advanced and has a desire to go.
ReplyDeleteThose are very real concerns of mine and you hit the nail on the head for the reason we initially chose K for next year. I agree it is sad. It was absolutely not a decision made without a lot of discussion, consulting the teachers/school/pediatrician and prayer.
DeleteDearest friend,
ReplyDeleteNo-one. No-one knows your child better than you.
Trust your heart and know you made the right decision.
And you know what?
Next year...when the snow is falling you and your little ones can cuddle inside and enjoy a nice cozy morning!
My mom once told me that her beloved family doctor told her not to rush sending kids to school.
Once you do, your babies don't belong to just you anymore. The school has them for eight hours a day.
Rest your heart, my friend.
Hugs!
I'm so sorry this has become such an ordeal for you guys. It sounds like you guys have given this great thought, spoken with many different people and have prayed about, so I think you should feel confident in your decision!You know - you could always homeschool him. You did a fantastic job with preK!
ReplyDelete